Love isn't hostile
by JodieJelloCube
Summary: Jasper compares Alice and Maria, contains a flashback of The southern Army, Jasper's thoughts on Alice and how Maria manipulated him. ONE-SHOT


_**This fanfiction is about Jasper's thought and memories. He compares Maria and Alice, and the two versions of himself created under their influences.**_

_**This will be slightly AU (alternate universe) and characters will probably be slightly OOC (out of character.)**_

'_**She says "Love, I hear sound, I see fury." She Says "Love is not a hostile condition.".' – 'Wire to wire.' – Razorlight.**_

I watch Alice flit around the room seemingly aimlessly, a smiles graces my face as she rearranges her wardrobe. She's intent on perfection, but if only she could see that everything about her is perfect, everything she does is perfect. Her immortal existence is a blessing to her, where to so many others of our kind, it's a curse. The life she's built for herself with the Cullen's is one she adores; they were more of a family to her than her actual relatives ever had been. Alice's presence is calming to me; everything she does appears to be so effortless. She's the light in my otherwise dark existence.

Her inky hair is cropped and frames her face beautifully. Her eyes shine a breath taking gold as she meets my gaze, smiling at me softly. She's tiny, and often underestimated. I know she's more than capable of taking care of herself, she's strong and graceful and her ability means she's always prepared.

Her ability, the force that brought us together, the power that saved me. She'd trusted me without knowing me. She'd searched for me without reason. She'd loved me without judging me. Because she had faith in her ability, and for that I couldn't be more grateful. If it wasn't for those unexplainable little visions of her's we wouldn't have met, we wouldn't have fallen in love, we wouldn't have married. I now made it my soul purpose to protect her from anything that could cause her harm, no matter how puny the threat. She thought it was unnecessary, maybe it was, but I would do it anyway. Forever.

"Jazz?" she pulls me from my thoughts, her soft voice filled with love.

I turn to face her; she's now sitting mere inches from me on our double bed. Our gazes lock, and I wish we never have to turn away. She leans in, her delicate lips enveloping mine and mine respond, moving against her gently. My eyes flutter closed and I lose myself in the moment. She saved me from a pitiful existence, before her I didn't belong. And the remarkable thing is, she needs me just as much I need her. After we pull back she skips back to her wardrobe, she's happier. I love the fact that I can make her happy, without even using my ability. My presence alone makes her feel better, and that means everything to me.

I look down to my wedding band, then to the scars on my wrists and arms, the scars that cover every inch of me. The scars left behind from a former life, a former me. Every vampire to lay eyes on me has feared me, except Alice. She'd loved me unconditionally, right from the start. She helped me believe that I'm not a monster, that I'm not hostile. I could never forget the things I've done, I could spend forever wallowing over things I could've done, could've stopped, but it wouldn't do me any good. The scars may be constant reminders of a time filled with pain, fury and regret. But, they are also reminders of the road that led me to Alice, my Alice. My wife.

_14__th__ December 187__5._

_Today would have been my 31__st__ Birthday, if I were still human, that is. I've been with Maria for just over a decade. My existence is a constant pattern, a tight schedule. It's like one day put on a repeat. And eternity was stretched before me, mocking me, promising that every sunrise will welcome a day just as tedious as the last. I can't even sleep, there's no way for me to kill a few of the hours I didn't need. However, there were vampires I could kill, had to kill, and was told to kill._

"_Jasper." Her voice, full of authority, whipping through the otherwise silent morning. _

_I stand to greet her. Our eyes lock for a moment and she inclines her chin toward a group of new-borns. I nod, it's time. I head over to them, Maria's pawns, nothing but chess pieces in her cruel game. Her endless conquest for power. One by one I take them aside, I'm sure they know what's coming to them, they know what I intend to do._

_ I rip apart those I live amongst, tear them to shreds. I fought with them, I stood by them. They meant nothing. I had wondered idly what that said about me. I acknowledge their terror, their pain, their anger. But personally I feel nothing but pity. I pity them, because I have more power than they have ever had. But Maria had more power still. Power over me. She cares more about keeping that power than she does about any member of this 'army'. There is no war; it's just a battle for dominance, for land, for power. A raging fight fuelled by selfish actions and blind fury._

_ Maria's hair is the colour of black coffee, it falls in waves just past her shoulders, and she's about 5 ft 4. Her build is slender and graceful, perfectly poised. She's beautiful, of course. Her eyes are the same vermillion of the blood of innocents she feeds upon freely, the glint with a twisted happiness with every opponent we set alight. She's smart, careful, prepared and intimidating. She knows what she's doing, we've never been beaten. She has a hold over every single one of her 'soldiers' myself included. If you'd told the human me that I'd be taking orders from a beautiful little Mexican woman, I would have laughed in your face, yet here I am._

_ I set the mangled, disembodied soldiers alight and watch the flames lick over their limbs, a thick smoke envelopes the room and my job is done, for now._

_I train vampires, I fight vampires, and I kill vampires. I'm not just a vampire; I'm an empath and a soldier. Fury, blood and violence is what I live and breathe. Maria is the compromise for this lifestyle, she tells me this is how things are, and I don't doubt her for a moment._

"_Thankyou." She breathes into the hollow of my throat as she trailed butterfly kisses up my neck to my lips._

_There has to be more than this…_

_**Author's note: When it comes to the date my Maths is probably not accurate but I'm pretty confident with it, **__**Jasper was 'almost 17' when he joined the army in 1861 and was turned into a vampire when he was 20. **__**I chose**__** the**__** 14**__**th**____**of**__** December as Jasper's birthday because it's Jackson Rathbone's birthday, and considering he's the movie version of Jasper I **__**thought I'd**__** use it. Most fan-sites and reports will try and tell you Jackson's birthday is the 21**__**st**__** of December, **__**Hell;**__** you can **__**even buy biographies that say that. That's incorrect, on the official website of Jackson's band it states his birthday is the 14**__**th**__**. And I'm thinking Jackson, of all people, should know his own birthday.**_

_**Review! Don't I deserve that much for my random Jackson trivia? :D**_


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